Surviving Grief.
I wanted to talk a little about how we get through the very rough days after loosing our loved one.
At first we are in shock of the unthinkable that has happened. It doesn’t feel real, it shouldn’t of happened to our loved one. Not ours! The the “why’s” come along. Why did this happen to them, to us? We question our Faith. We wonder how everyone around us just continues in their day, their life when time has stopped for us. How can you go on?
The pain comes right along with these questions. It is a pain in the chest, the heart. Its like someone reached inside our chest and ripped our heart right out and left all the nerve’s and arteries still attached. You feel every bit of the pain. Something like you have never felt.
We drown ourselves in our pain of grief. We can’t see a light out or a hand to help us. You feel no one understands how you feel and lets be honest no one but another parent that has lost a loved one can.
You feel alone.
You go through everyday just existing. Doing what little you do to get by.
Grief is specific to each person, even though there is a lot of the same pain and feelings. We all have our own stories. we all go through grief in our own way and time, however long that make take.
The healing.
Healing from an absolutely heinous act and its pain. As i said we all are different as is our stories.
There may be other family members, children, who need us. A partner who also has lost and feels the pain too.
These are things that make us move towards each day. But just move.
Finding a motivation of why you are still alive and present. What purpose can there possibly be?
Finding an outlet to direct the pain to channel that energy not upon yourself but to tell your loved ones story. To share to anyone who will listen. To to find the purpose. To be your loved ones voice.
Our children would not want you to drown in your pain and grief. But to live your life. To tell their story.
Motivation to live on through your lives.
Grief is not easy. You may hear the phrase, “i dont think i could do that”. Or, “i don’t know how you do it”
You weren’t given a choice!
We are stronger than we even know we are even if we don’t feel it.
No, your life will never be the same. You Will find a new normal. You will smile, laugh and love again. You never think you will, but you will.
You are here to be their voice, to help others through their story.
You may save another person’s life quite literally by sharing.
I am a parent, a caregiver. I have no degrees or certification. I have and am going through the grief we all feel.
Do not think that Men don’t grieve, of course they do! They were taught to shove that pain down deep. This has to stop! Men need to be heard, to be loved and to be told you can cry and break down. They can talk about their pain.
Please help men to know it’s okay to be human, because thats what we are, All human.
We should stand together as couple/partners.
A death of a child gives a different perspective to life. You see more clearly than you ever have. A parent in pain is a parent in pain always, no matter what skin color you have.
Love yourself, be the friend to someone that has joined the group no one wants to be a part of.
I hope this helps someone.
Know you are loved, you have a friend here.
Bonnie Vail,
Creator of PAVOMC
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